singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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