Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
