guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
