and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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