i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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