i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
