yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
