Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We need a shit load of segways right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
