I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
