i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
