Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I understand Curling. That high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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