You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
