you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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