Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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