It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
