that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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