I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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