Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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