Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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