She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
