I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
