I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize