you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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