now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
