chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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