better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
