Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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