Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
