I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
