I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
