smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
