you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
