I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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