Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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