Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
