I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
