yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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