If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
