What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
