Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
