Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
