that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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