these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
