I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
