Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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