And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
