he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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