DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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