I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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