Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
