if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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