is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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