I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
