My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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