You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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