wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
