Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
