Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
