whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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