god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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