This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
