I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
