I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
