For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
