I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
