I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You took a bar mat shot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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