I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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