Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize