I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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