Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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