i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
