I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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